Uncle Deno

On Monday Feb. 11, 2008 my Uncle Deno suffered a heart attack and passed away. I don't what is worse having someone pass away suddenly without warning or watching them wither away. Either way it just plain hurts. My poor Auntie is so distraught it makes me worry for her. My parents are on their way home from Arizona and should arrive Thurs. Thats the only good thing coming out of this tragedy is I get to see their faces and feel their hugs.
We've lost a good man who didn't judge you by how much coin you carried in your pocket or what your beliefs were. We've lost a man who was everyone's friend upon meeting him. We've lost a little light in our lives. Goodbye Uncle Deno. I'll miss you.

Alright there is one good thing...

Let it snow, let it snow, let it...okay I'm over it.

Uncle! Uncle! I give! No more please!

Okay So I Don't Exatly Update Daily

So the last time I wrote about my emotional dam bursting to 9/11 activities. Well there was one other event that took place that day I didn't write about. That very afternoon at work my computer gave me the dreaded blue screen. In other words, if computers had appendages it basically extended its middle finger in my face and said well...you know...screw you. I wasn't too concerned when I called my buddy the computer geek because I back up my files regularly. The one thing I was concerned about was getting payroll out on time on Friday, but computer geek assured me he would have my computer back to me soon. Thursday morning he finally reported I had lost a memory thingamajig but all my data was there and he would have my computer back to me around 1pm. Yeah, phew. So 1pm comes and goes. At 2:45pm I'm getting anxious because he's not answering his phones. 3:30pm he answers not sounding very happy maybe because I had left several voice messages with me sounding not very happy. I'm not a patient person. He proceeds to tell me that he went ahead and wiped my hard drive and he needs all my program discs and backups. So I take them up to him and what do you think happens? Well if you guessed my backup discs were corrupt you are correct. So basically I lost 9 1/2 months of information from my computer. Every payroll entry, every daily deposit, every check written, every spreadsheet, every frickin' thing I had ever done. So needless to say I've been busy. And I'm tired, so tired.

And the tears fell

When I got to work today I arrived to find a note on my desk. "The Monday Nite league didn't pay their lineage. Sorry." So I call the league secretary at her office. Yep she forgot to pay. After a brief discussion I came to a conclusion she was not going to make it a priority to get the check to me. So I volunteered to drive across town to pick up the check. I was a little peeved since I had so much to do, but figured I'd get it out of the way. As I was pulling into the main part of town above main street I saw a small plane just flying above the power lines. I recognized the plane as being one of our local realtor's personal plane. The plane has the stars and stripes of our flag on the wings so its easy to recognize. Anyway I slowed the car down thinking he was trying to make an emergency landing or such but then quickly accelerated so he wouldn't land on top of my car. I lost sight of him as he flew over me and I looked at an approaching driver's face to see what their reaction was. I didn't see horror just curiosity. I looked ahead down Main Street and could see a multitude of emergency lights flashing. My first reaction was OMG! What has happened?. Then I noticed a small group of people standing along Main Street, a cowboy stood with his hat on his heart. I have been so busy with work and keeping up with the boys and the Hubster I haven't read the local paper since this last May. I didn't know our little town was having a remeberence for 911. As I reached the tail end of the procession of emergency vehicles I was a little confused as to whether I should follow or pull off. They were traveling at less than 5 mph and so I judged that I could pull off on a side street and get ahead of them farther up. Well I wasn't successful and ended up sitting at a stop sign as they crawled by. My heart started pounding as I'm thinking if I didn't have to get this damn check I could be getting my work done. Like an idiot I hadn't put the money bag for the bowling alley out and she wouldn't be able to open without the keys or money. Also I had to pick Dean up at 12:30 to take him to preschool and pick him up again at 3:30. With all that interruption I didn't have time for another delay. As I was watching the ambulance, fire truck, various law enforcement pass by I recognized pretty much all of them. I noticed there were not a lot of people standing along Main Street and was saddened this little town of ours wasn't out in force. I thought to myself how hard this day must be for them and silently said a prayer to bless them and keep them safe. Finally I once again pulled in behind them and crept down Main Street. As we were exiting the city limits I was getting agitated that they were continuing their procession. I mean, I'm in a hurry. I looked behind me and saw a couple of truckers and thought I bet they're getting as agitated as I am. I finally resigned myself that they weren't going to pull over. I glanced at the clock it was 10:12. As I continued to drive I began to relax and I observed how shiny the firetruck was and how the deputy's vehicles looked freshly waxed. I realized they all had taken so much time and pride in getting their vehicles ready. I began to feel pride. Pride for all these people whom I know not for their badges but for their spouses and children I know or how some of them I remember from when I was a child. I was no longer tensed for confrontations with disgruntled employees, I didn't have to listen to employees personal problems or how they didn't feel good and didn't know if they could finish their shift. I didn't have to think about how I was going to get the restaurant out of the red every week. I didn't have to think about where I can buy gaming machines at a reasonable price. I didn't have to think about whether the new bartender I hired is really a meth addict like I've been told after I hired her. I didn't have to think about how I'm going to get the scorer monitor in the bowling alley fixed without having to dismantle it and send it out to be repaired. I didn't have to think about why the bedspreads I ordered for the motel 5 weeks ago aren't here yet. Before I new it I felt something on the front of my neck and went to swipe my blowing hair from my neck. My hand came away wet. I had tears rolling down my face and neck. When did I become so numb to my own feelings that I don't even feel my tears upon my face. I watched the procession turn off the highway and as I watched them I felt the need to acknowledge them. I wanted to honk my horn and wave my arms out of the window and shout my gratitude to every single soul in that procession. I didn't though because I didn't feel it would be appropriate. When I left work I was so angry that because of someone elses forgetfulness I had to interrupt my day. As I reached her office she met me at the car apologizing to me for interrupting my day. I grabbed the check from her hand and I thanked her. Because of her I experienced one the most special moments of my life.

Time for a Change

I was in the mood for some changes. I wanted to lighten things up and hopefully make it easy to read. I think I'm happy for now.
I have been on vacation for the last week and I really haven't done anything noteworthy. Which is just the way I wanted it to be. I did however mess up my chance for the mother of the year award again. Awhile back I got a letter from Steven's school announcing whom his 2nd grade teacher would be and when school would start. Grades kindergarten through 2nd grade start after Labor Day while the other elementary grades started on Monday Aug. 27th. I absolutely love that he starts after Labor Day. On Tues the 28th Steven had a meeting with his teacher to see what levels he is in for math, reading, etc. So I got the twerp ready to meet his teacher by scraping a summer's worth of dirt from his body and off we go. I proudly walked in the front door of the school and before me stood a sign. The sign read "1st and 2nd grades start school August 29th!" Aw sh*t! My heart instantly plummeted. We were planning on going to the big city on Wed the 29th to go school shopping. I have gotten some shirts off ebay for school clothes, but I had no pants for him what so ever. And I had no school supplies, backpack, etc. Well this wouldn't have been a big deal if I lived in a town that had stores that carried any of this crap. I must of had a look of disbelief on my face because the school secretary approached me and asked me if she could help me. As I re-read the sign for the seventh time it dawned on me..Steven is going into 2nd grade and last year.....I turned to the secretary
ME - "I thought school started after Labor Day for 2nd grade?"
HER - "No. Just kindergarten starts after Labor Day."
ME - "So last year 1st grade started before Labor Day?"
HER - (with questioning look)"Yes."
ME - "Okay thanks!"

People! Last year I took Steven to school for his first day after Labor Day! . I did the whole production...first day of school picture...escorted him to class...made a production of showing him his classroom! I feel like such an idiot. I bet his teacher thought I was a real treasure. First lesson of the school year, do not skim read a letter from the school. So anyway Steven started school on Wed the 29th. See what a nice picture I took of him on the actual first day of school. I am amazed at how grown up he is starting to look. Definitely not a little boy anymore. sniff.sniff. I did find one pair of pants that fit him thank goodness. However that backpack...empty. I sent a note telling his teacher that he would have school supplies after we went shopping. Yep makin' a good impression right off the start. Go Mom!
We are off to attend our County Fair in a couple of hours. The boys are anxious to get going so they can go on the rides. Hubster is not looking forward to going on the rides..hee. Me? Can you say cotton candy?

Not sure what these are but they're pretty!

Just What I Needed

Hubster woke me up this morning with a smile and a plan. While I was sleeping in, he was busy packing a cooler and converting coffee cans into buckets. Buckets? For huckleberry picking of course!

Hubster thought of everything! Including a batch of homemade Kahlua which went down rather smoothly. Made huckleberry picking even that more enjoyable. Bears! Psshaw! After three glasses I could have taken any bad ass black bear down just with my everclear laden breath. Well thats what I was hoping, because I sure as hell couldn't have ran from one.

The boys had a blast. They tired of picking huckleberries fairly fast, but soon discovered mountain climbing. Steven discovered sliding down a hill with big rocks jutting out is not an ideal situation for a little boy and his family jewels. He recovered though with a hug from Mama. While the boys were doing their thing, Hubster cooked us up some hot dogs on the portable BBQ. Amazing how a hot dog tastes so much better when your up 6300 feet in the mountains compared to sitting around the kitchen table.

After we had lunch we headed back down the mountain to a waterfall. I am absolutely terrified of heights so it drove me nuts when Hubster and the boys were standing at the top looking down. But I managed to edge close enough to the abyss to get this shot. It really was beautiful. We went farther upstream and the area just above the falls was just like a postcard scene. Of course Fudge decided to go swimming then which scared the hell out of me as she chose to swim right above the falls. I had visions of her getting caught in the current and being swept over. So the postcard setting was momentarily disturbed by my hysterical screaming. Damn dog. Anyway we frolicked(hee...love that word) for about an hour in the creek. I found some rocks for a border I'm hoping to use on a rock patio area by our deck. I am a rock hound. Anytime Hubster and I have gone camping or any activity in the mountains I bring back rocks. I've even got Hubster bringing me rocks when he goes fishing or such. Dean was bewildered as to why I was making everyone carry rocks. He reminded me we have plenty of rocks at home in our driveway and that I didn't need to bring home more. Hubster told Dean to be thankful they were rocks we could actually carry and didn't require a hoist. I did once make Hubster go retrieve a rock I fell in love with that required a motor lifty thingy. He wasn't too thrilled when it bent the tail gate. But I know he thinks of me everytime he shuts the tail gate now.

Happy Jo I Am NOT.

I absolutely hate scorching heat. We have been experiencing 100 degree weather here in Montana for the last week and I'm getting mighty pissy. Well maybe pissy isn't the correct term since I'm getting too damn dehydrated from this frickin' heat to be pissy. Anyway you get the point. It isn't helping that my car's ac isn't working and the central air unit to our house has bit the dust. So the only time I get relief is at work where the damn ac in my office sits about 5 feet away from me and blows directly on my left side until my arm literally aches. I have to leave it on because it helps cool the kitchen for the restaurant. So I suffer so the cooks don't keel over from heat exhaustion. I may be pissy, but I still have heart.
We did however purchase one of those 16' pools from wally world a couple of weekends ago. So that helps when I can find the time in between work, the kids, the Hubster, cooking, cleaning and whatever the hell else is going on. Plus sometimes I feel so damn hot and sweaty it sounds like too much of a hassle to change into my swimsuit.
The other problem with the heat is what to make for dinner. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting sick of BBQ. I guess I need to check the Internet for some new recipes.
Speaking of new recipes, I need a new diet. I have gained 18 lbs over the last two years and boy oh boy do I feel it. Towards the end of the day I walk like a little old lady. Today at work I had to go out to the motel to talk to one of the maids and she was working downstairs. I literally stopped at the top of the stairs and considered not going down them because I knew I'd have to come back up them. People I'm 42! 42 years old and I'm having thoughts like this. Sad.
I feel like I'm stuck in this vicious struggle against myself. I'm intelligent and I know how I should be eating. So I go shopping and I buy fruits, vegies, lean meats, whole grain bread and I bring it home, put it away and to tell you the truth I don't know what my problem is. But come dinner time I'm so damn tired and stressed from work that I don't want to chop vegies or even cook for that matter. So I go the easiest route and we order out. And the thing that really pisses me off is I know if I ate healthier, I'd have the energy. Why do I do this to myself?
Well since I'm such a bundle of joy, I'm going to cut this short. I'll try to get a picture of the boys and the pool one of these days. Take care.

Update on Fudge

Thought I'd post an update on Fudge. She is definitely growing.




















She is being typical of her breed and loves to dig and chew. Something that hopefully as she gets out of her "teen" years she'll quit. LOL! I know how naive of me!

Swing Batter Batter

Tournament this weekend and baseball is over for the year. Big sigh of relief. Steven played coach pitch this year and did really, really well. I believe this kid will excel in whatever he desires. I admire how in control of his body he is. He didn't get it from me thats for sure, coordinated I'm not. Dean decided he wanted to wait until next year to play tee ball. I hate to admit I was relieved since I'm not looking forward to running one kid here and the other kid there. Oh the joy I see in my future.

Today is the first day of summer vacation for the boys. Can we say happy mama? Oh yeah very happy mama. An extra hour of sleep in the morning. No mad dash from work to meet the bus every afternoon. And happy little boys. I'm always shocked when I hear parents say they dread summer vacation. To me it means less stress. The only thing I dread is the extra laundry. The boys love to run in the sprinkler and play in the dirt which makes a lovely mud mixture. Plus they do this to several outfits during the day. Oh well it used to be I couldn't get them to keep their clothes on when they went outside. I don't know which is harder to clean..clothes or this.... Two summers ago Dean appeared at the door like this. As you can tell in the background we hadn't started landscaping so they had no grass to romp and play. Dean found the next best thing...a mud hole. Thank goodness he stood at the door and called for me to come look instead of running through the house to find me. Dean got introduced to the "hose down" and apparently didn't care for being sprayed with cold water since he's never went mud bogging since then.
We don't have any major plans for the summer. No trips planned as of yet. We'll be going to the river to swim this year though since our lovely city decided to close the pool for the whole summer to make repairs. Dean was on the waiting list for swimming lessons the last two summers and he finally was enrolled in the class for this summer, but now with the pool closed that is a no go. Hubster and I have been teaching him ourselves the last few years, but I wanted him to take lessons from someone certified. Steven has had two years of lessons and is a good swimmer. But I will definitely be keeping a close eye on both of them near the water. It makes me nervous thinking of how many families will be making the river their swimming hole. Hubster and I grew up swimming in the river and know where the strong currents and undertows are located. But I'm afraid new comers to the area will not respect the river and by summer's end there will be a drowning. We have been thinking of getting an above the ground pool, but they are pretty spendy for what we want. So I guess I'll start setting aside money and plan for next year.
Well I'll close this for today and hopefully now that things are settling down around here somewhat I'll get another post in before two months fly by. Hope this finds all well.

Later
Jo

Oooh LalaLaQuinta

This past weekend I took my first day off since November. Being it was my birthday I somewhat felt entitled to a day of my own. A month ago I booked a room at the LaQuinta for a family get away. I called the hotel a couple of times to confirm our reservation fearing that something would get screwed up. I had it in my head that since I was so looking forward to this mini vacation that some catastrophy would occur and prevent me from going. The weekend bookkeeper that I'm training, (by the way the same lady I've been training since November), got sick with the stomach flu on Thursday. My first thought when she called me was not sympathetic, it was more of a hurry up vomit and shit all you want for the next two days, but do not fuck with my weekend. She called late Friday night and assured me she was feeling better and I could go. Good girl!
Saturday morning as I'm doing my last minute packing the phone rings. The Hubster grabs the phone and looks at the caller ID. I could tell the way he tossed the phone on the bed like it was infested with cooties that it was work. At 9:00 am during the breakfast rush the restaurants assistant manager walked on the job. Thankfully the kitchen manager was there making corned beef & cabbage for the Saint Pattys day special, so she had it covered but was upset and needed to vent. Okay crisis averted, trip is still on. Yahoo!! Half an hour later I stupidly answer the phone without looking at the caller ID and it is the assistant manager calling to cry on my shoulder about why she felt she needed to walk out in the middle of her shift. Waaaa..Boohoo...whatever. Do not fuck with my weekend. Finally we are on the road to freedom. The boys were beyond excitement to get to the hotel to go swimming and order pizza. Someone at school had told Steven that you could get pizza delivered to your hotel room. He could hardly wait to see an actual pizza delivery man. Can you tell we live in the sticks?
Anyway we arrived safely and got checked in to our room. First on our agenda was to go visit Hubster's brother and wife since we hadn't seen them since Thanksgiving. We had a nice visit and just as we were getting to go Steven runs to the bathroom. I thought what a good boy to go potty before we leave. When he came back to the car he was white as a ghost. He informed me he had just gotten sick, but he felt better and just wanted to go back to the hotel so we could go swimming. On the way to the hotel, he threw up in a bag twice. He spent the rest of the afternoon and evening sick. Hubster took Dean swimming for a little while, but otherwise we spent the evening watching crappy tv. We did order pizza and Steven did manage to get up out of bed to witness the miracle of the pizza delivery man. Steven didn't partake in the pizza so I knew he wasn't feeling any better. Since tv was so sucky we were all asleep by 10:00 pm.
At 4 o'clock in the morning I awoke to Steven whispering in my ear that he felt much better and was ready to go swimming. He had heard Hubster tell me earlier that the pool was open 24 hours and didn't quite understand why I didn't want to go swimming in the pre-dawn. I just got him settled back in bed when Dean woke up sobbing "I peed! I peed!" Neither of my boys has had trouble with bed wetting so I don't know if being in a strange room was the problem was or what. So I got him cleaned up and stripped the bed and got both the boys settled back down for a little more snooze time. During all of this Hubster is quiet. I'm thinking is he getting sick now or what. After a few prodding questions, come to find out after the boys went to sleep the first time, Hubster had been putting the moves on me by giving me a back massage and I fell asleep. Uh.. oops sorry dear. After this revelation I go into the bathroom to discover you know who has come for the monthly visitation. Figures. So I go out for a nice drive in the wee hours of the morning to purchase some feminine products. Not many people shop at 5:45 am so I didn't have to deal with rude people which was good since I could have easily gone on a hormonal rampage. Of course with me walking around with tampons and pads in my basket probably clued people to get out of my path now that I think about it. Or it could have been the bed head...or the flannel pj pants. Oh and I didn't brush my teeth. On a bright note I did get to see a beautiful sunrise though.

We ended up going to the pool at 9 o'clock and had a great time. We had the pool all to ourselves so I could relax and not have to suck my stomach in which is always a bonus. I purposely didn't use my self tanning lotion before the trip with the idea I could blind strangers with my lily white legs and through the tears in their eyes I would look fabulous. As soon as we were sufficiently pruned and sanitized from the chlorine we headed back to the room. Steven finally got to eat a piece of pizza and kept it down. After packing up we checked out and went shopping before heading home. The weekend was definitely not how I envisioned it was going to be, but I honestly wouldn't change a thing. I got to be just me. Not a bookkeeper, not a manager..just me. I got to be mom and the wife. Just what I needed. Not a totally satisfied wife since somebody, yes you Hubster, had to give such a relaxing massage. For future reference Hubster...stimulate don't soothe.

I've Been Licked...

Since about last May I have had the "pleasure" (snort!) of dealing with 2 girls at work I call the Spoons. You know the kind, always stirring the shit pot. They treat work as there gossip place and customers are just annoyances that get in the way of causing trouble. The kitchen manager would get on them time after time but they always seemed to cry and sweetie pie there way out of getting fired. Okay I have to give the Spoons names in order to continue. The first utensil is one of those not so good looking girls whom believes she is very attractive and that every male wants her. She is married mind you but as she so often reminded everyone "shes not dead." I have several names I'd like to call her but I think "Skank" shall suffice. The second is very well endowed in the chest region and has a humoungous pile of frizzy blonde hair. I reference the blonde because this is her biggest self defence mechanism in her tool box. She is notorious for saying very innocently "I didn't know that." Like if you were to say to her,

"You didn't rotate the salad bar items last night and you put the fresh stuff on top of the old and we had to throw out all of it."

"I didn't know I was suppose to rotate it."

"You were told the very same thing 2 days ago"

"I didn't know you meant all the time."

So she shall be named "Bimbo". It didn't take me long to figure out Skank and Bimbo. They like to stir up shit because that shit would distract others away from their shit. Their only problem was that I didn't fall for it and that made me the enemy. For most of the summer I butted heads with these two, but once the busy season peaked I mostly just had to pressure them to keep there hours down. I don't want to give the impression that it was always tense with them, I actually still had conversations with them and they still came crying to me when they had a bitch. Bimbo I knew had a deep hatred of me, but I felt if she could be pleasant so could I. Skank would come into the office quite often on her shift and tell me stories of her life. So it was an easy truce you could say....until Thursday night. My bartender in the lanes was ill and even though I had spent all day in the office I was the only one available to work. A married couple we have working for us were on shift in the kitchen. I've had my ups and downs with them also, but they have come to despise the "Spoons" because of their work ethics and gossiping. Anyway husband comes over to the lanes and tells me he has something he needs to tell me. He tells me that when Skank was helping break him in that she regaled him with stories of things she did to people's food when she doesn't like them. I, ranking number one on her list was a frequent victim. Supposedly her favorite thing to do was to lick my cheese she put on my sandwiches and hamburgers. I order club sandwiches quite often, a sandwich that does not require the cheese to be heated. I thanked him for the information and waited until he was out of sight to start convulsing with dry heaves. If only I was brazen enough to post her picture, you could understand how disgusting the image of this skanky, meth pocked bitch licking my food brought to my mind.
The new kitchen manager whom was hired last month was appalled when I informed her the next morning. Since it was payday we decided to call her and Bimbo into the office when they came in. Bimbo was present when Skank told husband about this. Skank and Bimbo were also in trouble for telling a customer how they wouldn't eat at the restaurant because the food sucks and the prices are way too high two nights earlier resulting in a loss of 5 customers walking out. Skank denied licking my food and became so enraged that the manager had to walk out of the office in order not to slap her. I sat behind my desk and watched her antics while visualizing snapping her neck. I think she saw it in my eyes, because she left. Bimbo shows up 2 hours later, acting all innocent. We get her in the office and she laughingly says that husband had misunderstood Skank and it wasn't my food she was licking it was a fellow workers she was doing it too. Thus confirming, that yes Skank is tampering with food. Did you hear the axe fall? Bimbo also confirms that she and Skank have told people not to eat at the restaurant, but she will not do it again. "I didn't know that would hurt business" At this point neither one of them has been fired. Upon further discussion, the manager concludes she will be firing Skank, but not Bimbo.
The next day Bimbo calls the manager to find out if she still has a job. According to Bimbo, Skank is quitting and wants Bimbo to quit with her. The manager tells Bimbo that if she can do her job and not cause conflicts that she may stay. Bimbo says she agrees to behave on one condition. That condition is that if I have anything to say to her at all that I am to do so through her attorney. Okay then, that should work just peachy! The manager told Bimbo that was a prime example of starting conflict. Bimbo says maybe she should find another job, the manager agrees. Skank calls and asks if she should consider her job gone, ummm...yeah. So Skank and Bimbo are no longer employed with us, but living in a small town does not relieve me of having to deal with them. They'll just go to another shit pot and commence stirring.

Bad News

I received a phone call this morning that Hubster's Dad has passed away. He died very quickly basically in his sleep. I wasn't sure what to do after I got the call though. Hubster is a logger and hence works in the woods. He does have a cell phone in his work truck which he will be in when they break for lunch. I called the company office and left a message for him to call me. I really debated on what to do for a couple of reasons. First is that knowing Hubster he will remain at work and I worry about him operating his machine when his mind is completely focused on the job. Secondly Hubster's relationship with his Dad hasn't been the best. When Hubster was six his mother passed away from a brain tumor. His brother was 12 at the time and his sister was around 13 or so. Hubster's Dad was working away from home at the time of her passing and continued to do so leaving Hubster's sister pretty much in charge of running the household. Now I can certainly understand that he needed to keep working to support the family that I don't have a problem with. What the problem was is that shortly after her death he started to romance a bartender from his favorite watering hole. Hubster's Dad developed quite the drinking problem and his new love was an alcoholic. With his new love, going home wasn't a priority and he basically left the kids to raise themselves. Hubster talks about how they had popcorn for breakfast. They would put sugar and milk on it just like cereal. The other main staple was rice and macaroni which were bought in bulk. Looking through Hubster's baby book breaks my heart. His mom detailed every event in his baby book to the most minute events. After she died his sister took over writing in her girlish handwriting trying to be just like Mom. Hubster's sister became pregnant around 15 and ran off with her boyfriend. With sister not there to care for Hubster, his Dad moved his new love in along with her 1 yr old son. Within a year the new love was pregnant and the resulting baby became the total focus. Throughout this Hubster was never properly told why his mom had died. The only thing he knew was that the last time he saw her was from his time out chair. He had been a bad boy resulting in him being put in a time out. His mom did not know she had a brain tumor and was suffering from a tremendous headache. She called one of her sister-in-laws to come take her to the doctor. She was taken to the hospital while Hubster stayed home with another Aunt. She died a week later. All Hubster knew was that she had a bad headache and she died. He thought he gave his mom the headache from being a bad boy. Once Hubster reached the age of 9 or so his dad and new love developed a passion for camping. Every weekend they would leave Hubster and his brother home with his 2 little step brothers. His older brother would never come home for the weekend instead partied with his friends leaving Hubster alone with these toddlers. Hubster claims he is the one that potty trained his youngest step brother. Anyway the gist of all this rambling is Hubster's Dad chose to not be a Dad when his kids needed him the most. Hubster's sister has not spoken to their Dad since the day she left at 15 yrs old. She has told all of us that the only time we are to speak of their Dad is to call and let her know when he's dead. I guess that time has come.

Meet Fudge

As if our lives weren't busy enough we decided "Lets get a puppy!!" Those of you who may have recently or can recall having a new puppy will understand that shortly after getting Fudge, I also purchased a brand new carpet shampooer. Note the lovely icy blue shade of my carpet? Not so lovely with little yellow pee spots and other stains I don't want to mention. I have actually purchased two carpet shampooers. I already had an old Sears canister style shampooer that works really well, but is a pain in the butt to deal with when it comes time to emptying the dirty water. So first I purchased one of those little green machine ones for emergency spot cleaning. I thought this would be ideal with a new puppy in the house and 2 little boys plus 1 big boy whom in one way or another find some way to get stains on my carpet on a daily basis. Well it does work wonders for those quickie cleanups, but I found its kind of like wiping a spot off of the wall. You know how when you wipe say a fingerprint off of the wall and then you have this clean spot on a wall that really didn't look dirty until you revealed the true paint color underneath and then you end up washing the whole wall. Well spot cleaning the carpet ended up the same way. I ended up crawling around my livingroom "spot" cleaning over half the damn thing until I was forced to quit to make dinner. So two weeks later I still have a nice 10 x 12 clean section of carpet mocking me everytime I walk through the livingroom. Anyways last week as I'm browsing the through the latest influx of catalogs I receive I came across one with vacuums and cleaners. I found an upright steam cleaner that made my heart beat with abandon at the simplicity of it. One tank that holds the clean water and the dirty water shortening the trips to the sink. My newest addition to my cleaning arsenal arrived today. I saw the box as soon as rounded the curve in the driveway and I swear it had a heavenly glow surrounding it. This is concrete proof my life is in a major rut if I'm getting that excited over a steam cleaner. Anyhoo, I'm really excited to try that baby out.

My bestest friend Diana is coming to spend the night Saturday. Her ex still lives here in town and she is staying with me while her son spends some time with his father. I always enjoy when Diana comes to visit. She has stayed with us off and on enough through the years that she feels comfortable and makes her self at home. The only problem I ever have when I know that she is coming is I feel this urge to scrub every nook and cranny. Note that I said urge, I attempt but it always seems like something halts my progress to perfection. The reason I feel this way is because Diana has always been the ultimate housekeeper no matter the circumstances in her life. I remember one time, when she still lived here, I stopped by her house for an unannounced visit. As we were visiting she was folding clothes in a fashion that would make an upscale clothing store green with envy. She fed Layne a snack and as we talked she washed his bowl and spoon dried them off and put them back in the cupboard. She then filled the sink up with about 2 inches of hot water and added a capful of bleach in with the dishsoap. Using this solution she wiped down his high chair and her already glistening countertop. She checked in the oven to see how her casserole was coming along for dinner. Her vacuum was sitting out which I assumed she had just used as her carpet still showed the vacuum tracks. As I was getting ready to leave she unwrapped the cord from the vacuum and plugged it in and as I was walking to the car I could hear her vacuuming away. At this time in her life Layne was 15 months old, she had 2 active step daughters 9 and 11 yrs. old and a lazy husband plus she was a full time teacher. I walked away from her house in awe. I know this is her natural tendencies because when she is here visiting she will unconciously wipe my counters off and straighten the pile of junk mail I have laying on the counter. If anyone else were to come and start doing that sort of thing I'd slap them upside the head, but with her it just seems normal. Maybe I shouldn't attempt any cleaning and just set my cleaning stuff on the counter and see how far she'll go. Hee!

Hello...remember me?

I am not going to make excuses of why I haven't posted for so long, to say the least I'm very disappointed in myself. So where were we....
The parents returned to Arizona mid October, so we are once again burning the phone lines. Dad is doing much better so I felt at ease with their decision to head south. I was however disappointed that we wouldn't be sharing the holidays together. Its funny that I partially started this journal so they could keep up on how the boys were doing and they haven't once seen this. I think I'm going to have to give them a little more of detailed lesson on internet usage.

Lets see... work is still busy as usual. I swear I have never witnessed such drama in my life. Every week its something different. There is one event I'm dying to document here, but its best left until things come to a conclusion. I'll definitely write about it then.

Our current kitchen manager whom I just adore is having to retire due to medical reasons. And such an event brings out the vultures. Ever since she started limping and not doing well, several of her staff started circling and trying to impress the BossMan with their wit and whatever else they can flaunt. Its been very interesting to say the least watching their true character arise.

Geesh! Now I remember why I don't post entries anymore. I started writing this hours ago, but people in this house keep getting in my face. Mom, I need (insert "current urgent must have it now or I'll die" need here), Mom he's hitting me, and the most gutsy of them all is Mr. Hi Honey I'm home Whats for dinner? Bite me big boy. Which brings me to my latest rant. Since I started working full time the share of the housework has not been divided or thirded or eigthed or..oh for craps sake I'm suprised they all don't ask me to wipe their butts for them. Every once in awhile I lose it and rant and rage at the boys about picking up toys, coats, shoes, etc and they're good for about 4 hours. Hubster on the other hand I do not rage at since I know from experience he will put up sound proof walls and not trully hear me anyways. Plus if I rage I may say things I really don't mean and once said they can't be taken back or forgiven. So for the last month I have been working my 40-50 hours a week, taking care of the boys needs, shopping, cleaning and basically getting more exhausted and unhappy. I know they say that in a healthy relationship that you should express your needs to your partner. You know what? I can't bring myself to sit a 44 yr old man down and say honey I'm overwhelmed. As far as I'm concerned he should be able to open his eyes himself and think gosh instead of sitting here watching fight night I could maybe help in someway so she wouldn't have so much on her plate. The proverbial frying pan may have hit him on the head though, I think he is realizing that when Mama ain't happy he ain't get no somethin' somethin'. On Sunday everytime I brought laundry in the bedroom, he would help me fold it and put it away. He even swept the kitchen that day. Tonight he rinsed dishes while I put them in the dishwasher. I think the boy has gotten a clue finally. Now if I could only raise up enough energy to reward him properly I'd be set.

Journalversary!!

It just dawned on me that I missed my first "journalversary" on August 4th. Last year at this time I was sweating Steven starting kindergarten. This year has flown by.
Unlike last year I am so ready for school to start. The boys are at each others throats constantly. I can't blame them though, they've been each others playmate all summer long. Steven isn't overly excited about school, but I am real pleased with whom his teacher will be and I think school will be a more pleasant experience for him. I'm also excited for Dean to start making his own friends instead of through Steven. All in all I think it will be a good school year. Look at me! I'm thinking so positively!
Work has been the shits lately. I still love what I'm doing, but I'm loathing the bullshit that goes with employees. The kitchen manager has been there for several years and has recently been having problems with her hip. She is in the process of doctoring to figure out what the hell is going on. In the meantime, the other cooks are like vultures circling in for the kill. Just on Wednesday I heard that one cook thinks it will be her that gets the manager's position and I also heard that the new male cook announced he is the new manager. Christ she hasn't even gotten word from her mri or has hinted she is quitting. I'm afraid that the Big Boss has offered the job to the male cook trying to cover his bases. I don't blame him looking ahead, but this male cook will put the restaurant into a spiral dive to its death. The other part of the male cook rumor was that his wife who is a waitress has been offered my job as the motel manager. That pisses me off. Not so much that I wouldn't mind handing off that task, just that it was done behind my back. Big Boss has been out of town since I heard the rumor and should be back tomorrow. As soon as I get him cornered I'll definitely be asking him a few questions.
Okay I'm off to watch the news and hit the hay. Later.

School Dazed

Can you believe its time for the kids to be going to school already? Where the hell did summer go? Steven guilted the hell out of me this afternoon when he commented, "Mom, you & I need to play a video game or something together cause we need some quality time together." He is 6 yrs old, when did 6 year olds start making statements like this? We didn't play video games, but did read a couple of books together. He even read a paragraph out of a book about wildcats. It still amazes me he came out of kindergarten being able to read with little help. He starts school right after Labor Day, so for the next 2 weeks I'm going to make it my goal to get out of the office in 3 hours, spend the afternoon with my boys and finish up work after dinner. I am so ungodly tired by the time evening rolls around I don't have the energy to play with the boys. Hopefully my work doesn't suffer.
The 12th was my sister's birthday so I called her on the last available phone # she gave me and left a cheery message. I haven't heard a word from her and to tell you the truth I'm not suprised. At least I'm making an effort, right?
Dean will be starting preschool this fall and he is so nervous about making friends. He keeps asking me in this little quivering boy voice, "How do you make friends Mama?" Steven has always been very social and with very little coaxing will approach other kids. Dean on the other hand is the skirt hanger, that is if I wore skirts. Anyways...I'm going through the scenario already of Dean death gripping me on his first day. I think I'll be smart and have the weekend bookkeeper work for me that day just in case I need to stay for awhile with Deanie. Who knows he may be like Steven and run off with the other kids and not even know I exist. I just hope he has a good group of kids in his class. Steven had a kid in his preschool I had to restrain myself from thumping on several times. Dean has a tender little heart as does Steven, but Dean has got Mama's fiery temper so I'll probably be the Mom getting the phone calls that Dean pounded on some kid.
Mom and Dad are going back to Arizona for sure this fall. Dad has been doing really well physically, but mentally the stroke has been harder to overcome. He is one of those typical strong tough do it yourself type guys that this sidelined him pretty hard to feel so vulnerable. He was laying pretty low for the first month after the stroke taking it easy which seemed the right thing to do considering. But none of us could accept that this would be how Dad would spend the rest of his life. It took sometime to get his blood thinner and blood pressure medications dosed just right to where he wouldn't get dizzy. During this time a wonderful wise nurse told him, "You know, we'll get your meds regulated out eventually, but at some point you are going to decide to start living and get out of the recliner and we'll have to go through all this redosing again. So why don't you start living life and lets get these meds dosed correctly now." Best thing anyone could have said to him. He's still not out and working like he used to, but he needed to slow down anyway. I hate that they are going to Arizona. My biggest fear is something will happen to either of them down there. Uggh, I can't think that way.
Later.

No Answers.

Earlier this evening as I was highlighting a friend's hair I got a phone call that totally tripped me up. The caller was my nephew Larry. I haven't seen Larry for almost 3 yrs now since we had a little impromptu family reunion. Larry is my sister's youngest boy. I can't remember if I've ever mentioned my sister here so if I have pretend this is all new. My sister is 7 yrs older than me and I idolized her growing up. She has beautiful big blue eyes and long blonde hair which always has made me feel like the plain hazel eyed little girl in comparison. When I was 9 and Lynn was 16 Dad got promoted which prompted a move from our little town. I left the security of my friends and Lynn said goodbye to her first love. About 4 months after the move our family's life was changed with a secret my sister had been carrying. That secret she was carrying was revealed in that she was pregnant. My Dad had a pretty high profile job in law enforcement something that he had sacrificed his family for to become the best. This unexpected development was not something that made my Dad happy. Lynn was past the point that abortion was an option so she moved back to our little town and became a wife and soon to be mother. Pretty tough change for a 16 yr old girl. Dad and Lynn's relationship was pretty much destroyed and soon we were lucky if we heard from Lynn once a year. Lynn went on to have 3 kids over the next 6 years. Lynn's life as a wife was not a bed of roses, but one of mental and at times physical abuse. After I graduated high school and was attending beauty school Lynn ran from her abusive life and left her children with her husband to move in with me. For 3 yrs we lived together and got to know each other as adults instead of just siblings. During this time Lynn lived the life she didn't have the chance to being a young mother and being shrouded by her jealous, abusive husband. She wasn't making enough money to take care of her kids so they remained with their Dad. Eventually Lynn remarried a carefree, full of life guy she met at work. When her daughter reached the age of 12 she chose to live with Lynn. The boys lived shortly with Lynn later on but returned to live with their Dad. Lynn got a job doing security with a department store and climbed the ladder in the company to now where she is the district manager. Which is pretty damn good for a high school drop out. The only problem in this whole scenario is she hasn't seen either of her boys 13 yrs. She didn't see them graduate, she hasn't seen the women they chose to marry and she hasn't held their children. My parents haven't talked to her in almost 6 yrs. now. About 2 yrs ago, I tracked Lynn down and found that she had been seriously ill. She was close to death at one point and was struggling to find a cure for a condition the doctor's couldn't figure out. We talked and emailed off and on for about 4 months. During this time I updated her on her kid's lives. She claimed to want to make contact with them saying her illness had shown her that family is what really counts, not how good you are at your job. Eventually our contact lessened and before I knew it 5 months had gone by without a word from Lynn. After Dad had his stroke I tried contacting Lynn with the number and email I had used before. I have not heard a word from her. I truly don't know if she is alive or what. Now tonight I've got my 27 year old nephew searching for answers to why his Mom abandon him. As a mother myself I can't for the world give him an answer. I look at my boys and I cannot imagine a single thing they could ever do that would cause me to turn my back on them. My heart breaks for this young man who has a wife and child he so wants to share with his Mom. He is a man who will always wonder what did he do so wrong as to not have his Mom want to be in his life. I have no answers, no comfort to give and at this point all I can do is give him my love, but I don't think this will help.

Burn Baby Burn!

Five weeks ago my throat started getting scratchy and sore. Since my babysitter's daughter was being treated for strep, I figured I better get my ass into the doctor. Strep test came back negative, but since I've had sinus congestion since Dec. my doctor gave me a prescription for a 3 week run of antibiotics. A week into the antibiotics my sore throat turned into a sensation like I had food stuck in my throat. So I go back in for another check up. Well Doc can't see that far down my throat and tells me since I'm a smoker he is sending me to an ENT specialist to see if I have throat cancer. Now you would think that I would have thrown my pack of cigarettes in the garbage right then and there. I would have if I had them with me at the moment, but they were at home. By the time I got home I was majorly freaking out and wanted a smoke. Can we say addiction? For the next 6 days I planned my funeral, picked out women I thought would make a good mother and wife to fill my shoes, rocked my boys to sleep instead of just tucking them in, got angry and vowed to fight for my life, pictured how I'd hold my head up high when I lost my hair, basically I rode a rollercoaster of emotions. The appointment day comes and they spray this nasty tasting shit up my nostrils and insert a rubber looking tube up my nose and down my throat. I now "get" the point of up your nose with a rubber hose, it ain't fun people. The verdict, no sign of cancer. Thank you lord! Diagnosis is gastric acid reflux disease. I never in my life thought I had a problem with acid reflux. I don't get heart burn, hell I take tums just so I get some calcium once in a blue moon and I like the fruity flavor. The Doc told me you can have GERD and not experience heart burn. He said I'm probably having heartburn while I'm sleeping which makes me cough, wakes me enough that I roll over and go back to the ZZZ's and repeat through the night. From the pile of pamplets from the ENT's office and reading about GERD on the internet this isn't something to take lightly. And I have all the causes of GERD..overweight, smoking, late night eating. Can we say lifestyle changes? Fuck, fuckity, fuck! Can I do this? I've cut out the late night snacks that was a no brainer. Quitting smoking...damn, "I see the bitch a comin', she's coming around the bend". Lose weight...tried off and on for 15 years and ummm still fat. So I'll have my pity party, cry my eyes out, blow some snot bubbles and make changes. I've been on Pril0sec for 4 days now and I still feel like I have a half of piece of bread stuck in my throat. In 30 days if I still have this feeling I'll have to go have an upper g.i. and chug some chalky shit down to see whats up or down or whatever. We'll see either way.
Later.