Happy Birthday Steven

Why do the years have to pass so quickly? It doesn't seem that long ago that you were just a dream. A year after your Daddy and I got married we decided to have a baby. Well fate dealt us a bad hand, having a baby wasn't going to be as easy as we thought. For 11 years we suffered through 5 miscarriages and years of infertility treatments. December 1998 was the most crushing loss, I lost a 10 week old fetus on Dec 26th. A happy new year it was not. That January I once again went back to my fertility specialist and it was decided that I needed to under go an exploratory surgery to see why I couldn't sustain my pregnancies. My pre-op appointment was set up for Feb 8th and surgery on the 9th. Until the surgery I would go off my fertility pills and hubster & I were to use some sort of birth control. Hubster and I decided on our own that the remaining month of January would be our "lets make love whenever and however we want to" month. Boy howdy did we ever! No temperature taking, no thought to when I was ovulating just lets get it on. So Feb 8th rolls around. The nurse has me pee in the cup and go to a room so I could watch a half hour video of the surgery I would be under going. After that she would draw blood, take my blood pressure, and other pre-op tests. About half way through the video the nurse pops her head in the door and says they have a change of plans and when the video was over I'd be examined by my doctor. So I finish watching the video and follow the nurse to the exam room. She tells me to disrobe from the waist down and the doc will be with me shortly. So I lay there counting the ceiling tiles waiting for the doc. Doc walks in not saying hello just snapping on her gloves and inserts the speculum. At this point I could feel a tension in the air and I began to wonder what was wrong. After a brief exam Doc stands up leans on my knees and says, "We didn't use birth control did we?" um, no. I was pregnant once again. Now you would think that I would be overjoyed but all I could think of was that I had delayed my surgery. The surgery that could be the solution to my pregnancy woes. I bawled and apologized to my doctor while she consoled me and said this may be the one that goes to term. She put me on strict bed rest. I was to only get out of bed to use the bathroom and shower. So from Feb. 8th until August 23rd I laid in my bed while my hubster and family took care of everything else. My focus was making a baby.
When I was probably about 4 months along I was feeling guilty about not doing any housework. So I started a load of laundry, went back to bed and an hour later felt this gush of warm fluid. I pulled back the sheets to see red, all I could see was blood. I frantically called my doc and since I lived 100 miles away and the bleeding had slowed she wanted me to stay in bed and come in the next day. My sil came up and changed my bed with me still in it and held my hand while I prayed. The next day I arrived at the doctors office and burst into tears the minute I saw my nurse. She got me settled in the ultrasound room and on the table. I remember laying there with tears silently flowing down my temples and pooling in my ears and soaking into my hair. Doc came in grabbed my hand and never letting go she put the gel on my tummy and ran the wand over my uterus searching for a sign. As the seconds ticked by it felt like years and there was no sign of a heartbeat. My body began to shake from the silent sobs coming from within. She squeezed my hand harder and the nurse began to stroke my forehead. I knew at that moment I had lost my baby. I had lost my baby over a load of laundry.
As I lay there I could feel the blood rushing through my veins in anger at myself and at God. It was rushing so loud I could hear it. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh...and then I realized what I was really hearing was not my heart pumping blood, but that of my baby. The cries of joy that erupted from that 4X6 room was probably heard two floors down. My baby had a strong viable heartbeat. For the next two months I only moved from that bed when I bathed, went to the bathroom and went to my doctor appointments. On Aug. 23rd, I was released from strict bed rest to modified bedrest since I was far enough along for the baby to survive if born. Hubster set up my computer next to the couch and for the remainder of my pregnancy I lived on the Babycenter boards.
On October 6th at 11:05 pm and 39 weeks along I brought into this would our miracle, our son.
Today our Steven is 6 years old and he has brought so much to our lives that we may have never known if not for him. I've watched him grow and develop. I've watched him be the best brother to Dean. He's made me laugh, cry and get angry. He has made me Mom. So today we will celebrate his birthday. He'll wish for something he so desperately desires as he blows out his candles and I'll know some wishes do come true, mine did. I love you Steven.